


With this ring, I thee wed. Kinda. For a little bit

by ThePathLessTrekked



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: F/M, Fake Marriage, Rule 63, Sharing a Bed, bisexual Bones, cis swap Bones, cis-swap
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-02
Updated: 2016-12-02
Packaged: 2018-09-03 19:02:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8726530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThePathLessTrekked/pseuds/ThePathLessTrekked
Summary: Leonora McCoy is not a woman of insufficient means when it comes to her ability to deal with shit.She’s not sure she can deal with this. Someone is going to get punched.





	

There is a lot of shit that Lenora McCoy is willing to deal with. She’s dealt Jim’s terrible roommate etiquette. She’s dealt with Scotty being a handsy drunk. She’s dealt with Chekov’s puppy crush on her. She’s even managed to deal with Spock. She’s done all of this without once raising a hand to any of the aforementioned people. Well, with the exception of Jim. But he deserved it. 

She is not a woman of insufficient means when it comes to her ability to deal with shit.

She’s not sure she can deal with this. Someone is going to get punched. 

“I’m sorry could you please repeat that?” Her eyes were narrowed, her mouth pursed, her eyebrows were drawn down. Everything in her deceptively sweet, round face read “pissed off”. The ambassador in front of her shifted nervously, he rubbed his hands along his thighs as if trying to dry them.

“You can’t go alone.”

“And why was that again?” 

“Bones-” 

“No, Jim. Let the man finish. I’d like to hear it again.” 

“Because,” the ambassador hesitated, looking to the captain for help. Kirk had his face in his hand, he was shaking his head and cursed under his breath. The official did not feel comforted in the least. “Because you are a woman.”

“Because. I’m. A. Woman.” 

“Ye…Yes, Doctor.” 

“Well, in that case,” Lenora grinned and threw up her hands. “I’ll just have to stay here! Have fun boys!” She turned to leave but Jim caught her shoulders and spun her back around.

“Please finish explaining Ambassador. Doctor McCoy is simply unaware of the native customs.” His grip on her shoulders tightened when she tried to turn around to tell him off. “I’m sure she’ll be reasonable once you finish explaining. Won’t you, Doctor?”

Len grunted her assent and crossed her arms over her chest. Jim didn’t risk letting go of her.

“The, erm,” the man looked back at the Captain, who nodded his encouragement, “The indigenous people here believe that woman should be escorted, as they are the bringers of life. A woman by herself is seen as well, ah, a crime against caring.”

“So I have to be escorted.” This seemed less unreasonable than she first assumed.

“Yes, but only by a family member or a spouse.”  
“So, what? Jim has to pretend to be my brother?” The brunette was smirking, the idea of having Jim at her beck and call as a personal escort was endlessly amusing. For about two seconds.

“No, he would be your husband.” 

All 5’3” of fury turned on the Captain, breaking his hands free of her shoulders as if they hadn’t been there at all. Her hair whipped around her face at a frightening speed.

“JIM!” 

The Captain quickly put his hands up in defense. 

“Two days! That’s all, Bones. Just two days and think of all the good you’ll do!” Jim fought the urge to cower behind his arms. He knew better than to really truly piss off McCoy. He had known her since they got on the shuttle together, him a bruised up punk and her a drunkard with a fear of flying. They had managed to pull themselves together since then, but not without knowing each other better than they knew themselves.

Jim had only seen Lenora well and truly pissed two other times. 

———————————————-

The first time was when someone had accused her of abandoning her daughter. She had the other cadet cornered so fast, that Jim hadn’t even seen her leave his side. The kid was pressed against the wall, fear clear in his eyes. 

“You ever assume to know anything about my life again I swear to all that is good on this earth that I will remove your tongue and feed it to you.” Jim was worried enough about her following through on the threat that he had grabbed her around the waist and dragged her back to her dorm. 

“The fuck was that about, Bones?” He shut the door quickly and turned to look at her, arms held open for an explanation. He froze when he saw tears streaming down Len’s face. She dragged her wrist over her eyes roughly. 

“I didn’t want to leave her, Jim. She’s my baby girl why would I want to leave her?” 

Jim let his arms fall to his side. He didn’t know much about Len and her kid. He only knew that Jocelyn had somehow managed to win full custody over their daughter. 

“Hey…Hey come on, Bones. What does that guy know anyway. I bet you’re the best mom.” He awkwardly patted her shoulder. She laughed bitterly.

“No. I’m really not. I was never home. I…” She sighed and closed her eyes. Jim carefully moved forward and wrapped his arms around her. And though she’d never admit it, Bones nuzzled into his chest. Her words were muffled by his jacket. “I was never home. Jocelyn told the judge that any time I got Joanna, she would be at home with a nanny while I was at work. She was right.” 

“That doesn’t make you a bad mom, Len.” 

“Doesn’t make me a good one either.” 

———————————————-

The second time had been when someone insulted Jim. This time he hadn’t been there to see the rage, but he saw the after affect. Apparently what ever the guy had said had been bad enough that even Uhura had been willing to let Len sock him. Judging by the lovely smattering of purple and yellow over the his eye, Bones had a pretty formidable right hook. 

A right hook Jim was fairly certain he was about to be on the receiving end of.

They were in the captains quarters. Lenora was pacing up and down his room, hands flailing in exasperation. 

“I’ve done the marriage thing, Jim! I’m not exactly keen on doing it again. Real or otherwise!” Color was starting to show up high on her cheeks. She was nearly shaking with anger. “Fake marriage! The very idea, it’s supposed to mean something, Jim!”

“Bones, I know. I do really, but we need you down there to look at the vaccines. If they really are effective against the Forgan Flu…” 

Lenora took a few deep breaths, clenching and unclenching her fists.

“Then we could set up stable colonies in the Florence System.” 

“Yes.” The captain lowered his hands. “Two days! Come on. It’s not like we don’t fight like an old married couple anyway.” He gave Bones his best smart ass smirk. “We could always have Spock go with you instead.” 

“You owe me, Kirk.” 

———————————————-

“Kirk, there are no words in Standard that appropriately express how much you owe me.” Jim tried to keep a straight face as Bones hissed at him under her breath. She had been wrestled into a dress. An actual, hand to god, dress. 

It wasn’t that Lenora wasn’t a pretty woman (Jim would argue that she was down right gorgeous if he wasn’t worried her eyes would roll right out of her head). She just wasn’t exactly the most stylish one out there. She occasionally wore the uniform dress, but only when all her pants were dirty and the closest she got to formal wear was the dress uniform for mandatory ceremonies and banquets. She didn’t wear make up and her hair, more often than not, was thrown up into a bun. She always looked clean and neat, her finger nails trimmed and buffed but never with polish. She had a very no nonsense style about her that suited her profession on a busy starship well. 

So to see her in a near floor length, midnight blue, strapless dress was completely making Jim’s night. Her hair being piled elegantly on her head, letting only some of the strands fall in soft curls against her neck was making his stomach flip in ways he didn’t want to examine too closely. He tried to completely ignore the dark makeup someone (probably Gaila, but very likely Uhura) had framed her eyes with and the dark fig colored gloss that had been applied to her lips. 

“Aw, Bones. You look like a lady.” He grinned at her, offering his hand to walk with her to the transport pad. She glared and pushed past him, sharp heels clicking angrily against the tile of the starship floor. 

“Dinner,” she grumbled. “Not only a farce marriage, but a damned dinner.” Scotty’s eyes were wide from behind the beam control panel. 

“Ready there, Scotty?” Jim took his place next to Bones. “Stop whining, Bones. It’s not like you’re actually marrying me. Just two days.” He was starting to desperately feel like he was convincing himself he could last two days. “Energize.” 

———————————————-

They had been greeted immediately. Their host had graciously thanked them for the opportunity to sell them their vaccine and had a maid show them to their room. 

Room. One. With one bed. 

He felt like an idiot. 

“Really, Jim? It didn’t even occur to you?” It was the first time Bones had actually sounded amused the entire night. 

“No. It didn’t.” 

“Married people usually share a bed, Darlin’.” She tried to hide her smirk as she pulled out the few clothes she brought. “It’s not usually a good sign if they don’t.” 

“Oh shit that reminds me.” It didn’t really, he just wanted to change the subject. “Here.” he pulled a small velvet bag from his pocket and emptied the contents out into his hand. Two simple gold bands clinked into his wide palm. 

“No.” 

He looked up, eyebrows raised in surprise.

“I will not put on a fucking ring for a fake marriage.” Any amusement that had worked it’s way onto Len’s face was gone. Her forehead was creased and her jaw was tight. “Rings mean something. I am not putting that on.” 

“Bones, it’s an Earth custom. They’ll be expecting it…” The captain hadn’t been expecting such a violent reaction to the rings. He knew that she wasn’t going to like the idea of a fake marriage, but he didn’t realize just how much. Bones was staring down at his hand, she swallowed hard once and took a deep breath through her nose before giving a sharp nod.

Taking the smaller ring between his thumb and fore finger, Jim reached out and grasped her left hand gently. He slid the ring onto her finger and smiled down at her. 

“With this ring, I thee wed. Kinda. For a little bit.”

She smacked his shoulder with the back of her hand. Jim could swear he saw a blush on her cheeks. 

“Just put yours on so we can go. I want to get this dinner over with.”

“Chill out, Bones. I’m sure it will be fun.”

———————————————-

It was the longest dinner of Jim’s life.

He managed to be the charismatic Starfleet captain that he looked like on the propaganda posters, but just barely. Lenora was charming, sweet and engaging just like the southern bell she had been raised to be. She spoke with the developer of the vaccine. From what Jim could tell it sounded promising. 

At least he’s pretty sure it did. He was kind of distracted.

He couldn’t stop staring at the slope of Bones’ shoulders as she leaned in toward the other doctor. Her hands moving animatedly in front of her, fingers catching against her lips as she listened, or a thumb nail finding it’s way between her teeth. A habit she hated, but Jim couldn’t think of something that was more her. 

All of this was bad enough, but the light glinting off of the gold band that adorned her ring finger was making his chest constrict. He wasn’t entirely sure he was breathing anymore.

Fuck.

_Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck_.

He was in love with, Bones.

———————————————-

The entire situation was entirely unfair. 

Bones didn’t even want to be in another relationship. Jim couldn’t count the number of times he’d heard “My ex-wife took my sense of romance with her in the divorce”.

So of course, the first time Jim wanted more than a quick fuck from someone, it would be the woman who wanted anything but. 

The woman who treated him like Jim when everyone else treated him like Captain James T. Kirk. 

The woman who couldn’t spend two minutes around Spock without grinding her teeth, but would defend the Vulcan with her dying breath if someone insulted him. 

The woman who took one look at the broken kid from Iowa and saw a reflection of herself worth befriending.

The woman who was currently unzipping her dress and pulling it down her back and over her-

“ _Shit_ , Bones come on. I’m right here.” He groaned and slapped his hand over his eyes.

Len scoffed. 

“We were roommates for three years, kid. I think we’re probably past the point of embarrassment here. Not to mention, we’re married.” She dropped the dress and stretched her arms above her head. 

Jim most certainly did not look through his fingers to watch the lean muscles on her back flex and move. And he certainly didn’t notice how the lace underwear matched her dress and left a gorgeous little imprinted pattern where it had slipped. 

“I’m starting to think you’re finding this funny.” He finally turned and walked toward their bathroom, shrugging the dark gray dress uniform jacket off and grabbing his sleep pants off the edge of the bed.

“You’re kinda cute when you’re flustered.” 

Jim squawked his indignation. Lenora actually snorted in laugher at the noise. 

“Oh come on, Jim. I was pissed because marriage is kind of a sore subject for an old lady like me, but the whole idea is kind of funny now that the shock has worn off.” 

Jim gave a huff and unbuckled his pants. 

“It’s not that funny. I mean it’s not that far fetched.”  He pulled the sweatpants on and walked out of the bathroom to find Bones wearing an overlarge Ole Miss tee, staring at him.

“Did you just say you and me being married isn’t that far fetched?” She said it slowly, as if truly unsure she had heard correctly. “Jim, you feeling okay, darlin’? I’m pretty sure you actually thinking about marriage could be considered dramatic change in personality.” 

Jim rolled his eyes and climbed into the bed. He had a reputation back at the academy sure, but he had kept it professional in the three years they’d been aboard the Enterprise. 

“I’m not exactly the Casanova I used to be.” 

“I’m not sure Casanova was ever the word to describe you, sweetheart.”  He threw a pillow at her. She caught it and threw her head back with a laugh. “Well, I do declare! Is James Kirk finally thinking of settling down.” She drawled out an exaggeration of her accent and fanned herself, falling onto the bed. 

“You’re not funny.”

“I’m a helluva lot funnier than you, kid.” Len sat up and crawled under the sheets. She pulled the pins from her hair and squirmed down until her head hit the pillow. With a sigh she nuzzled into the soft fabric. “Goodnight, Jim.” 

“Goodnight, Bones.” 

And if Jim didn’t fall asleep for another twenty minutes, Bones didn’t need to know. 

And when he finally did, if it was to the image of her hair tumbling down her shoulders, well she didn’t need to know that either. 

———————————————-

Len couldn’t quite remember the last time she had woken up this comfortable. Certainly not in the last two years, maybe more. She couldn’t remember the last time she had the comfortable weight of a strong arm around her waist. She hummed softly, reveling in the feeling of a broad hand tucked under her, cupping her breast through the worn fabric of her old college tee. When Len shifted the arm tightened around her, the thumb of the hand stroked across her breast softly as a nose nuzzled into her back. Soft dry lips pressed to the base of her neck. 

With a soft sigh she settled back against the wide, warm chest behind her, drifting back to sleep.

In the back of her mind a voice sighed wistfully. It wasn’t fair that she had to go and fall in love with James Kirk.

———————————————-

Things were a little less calm when she fully woke about an hour later. 

In her defense it’s a little hard to stay calm when your best friend’s very obvious erection was pressing against the back of your thighs. 

It’s very hard to stay calm when you realize that you’re not nearly as bothered by this as you should be.

Bones swallowed hard and tried to scoot just a little further away, give Jim a chance to wake up and pretend that she was asleep and hadn’t noticed. However, she had forgotten that Jim was the closest thing to a human limpet she had ever met. He simply dragged her back against him, pressing his body close to hers and murmuring into her hair. His hips shifted and Len had to bite her lip hard.

“Dammit, Jim.” She hissed and closed her eyes. 

“You always this grumpy in the morning?” Was the slow half asleep response. She knew that Jim knew the answer to that, so she posed her own question. 

“You always this hard?” 

There was a beat and then a yelp as Jim scrambled backwards. 

“Fuck, Bones I’m sorry I didn’t uh. I mean you were just there and. Well,” Jim stammered through his excuse.

Len rolled her eyes and crawled out to the bed. She walked into the shower without looking back at him. 

It just wasn’t fair. 

———————————————-

The rest of the mission went smoothly. Bones got to see the vaccinations in action and they procured a deal with the new Federation planet. Jim thanked them and Bones thanked them and there was only one short awkward moment when they were wished a long and happy marriage. 

———————————————-

“Jim. We need to talk.” 

Jim groaned into his pillow, but managed to peel his face off of it to look at Lenora as she came to stand by his bed. 

“That is never a good sentence. How the hell did you even get into my quarters, Bones.”

“I have the code. You think you’re the only one who can reprogram things to your whimsy?” She may or may not have paid Gaila to do it. “But I’m serious. We need to talk.” 

With a sigh Jim sat up and leaned agains the wall. He crossed his legs and looked at his CMO expectantly. 

“I’m in love with you.” 

Okay, so he hadn’t really been expecting Bones to make the first move.

He hand’t been expecting Bones to make a move at all. He had been listening to her gripe about the falsehoods of love for years. There was no reason to expect that she would actually do anything other than continue griping. Very much like he was continuing to not say anything when his best friends just admitted to loving him.

“Oh.” Not his smoothest response. 

Bones seemed to agree, she pursed her lips and huffed. 

“Just oh?”

“Give me a second here okay? You kind of sprung it on me.”

He regretted it as soon as that thumb nail put itself between her teeth. Her hazel eyes were wide and waiting. He still had no idea what to say.  
“Why are you telling me this now?” That probably shouldn’t have been it. Bones sighed and sat down on the edge of his bed. 

“I figured I should at least explain to you why I’ve been a little all over the place.” Len chewed on the pad of her thumb absently. Jim waited until she was ready to go on. “I was angry that I would have to pretend to be married to anyone. And having to be married to you? Shit, Kid. I don’t think you have a very good understanding of how you can make someone feel like the only person in the room. It…makes it hard to remember that we’re not actually,” she made a few aborted motions with her hands, unsure how to describe exactly what had been going on between them. 

“You are.” 

“What?”

“The only person in the room.” He gave her a shy smile. “Might as well be at least.” 

A slow grin worked it’s way over Bones’ face. She crawled over and straddled Jim’s lap, took his face in both her hands and kissed him soundly. 

“Bones?”

“Yeah, Darlin’?”

“What would you do if I just happened to forget to take off the wedding ring?”

“You have to take it off for the actual wedding, but after that feel free to forget for as long as you like.”


End file.
